Why the approach?

Why approach if you're not sure? What is my intention? Why say the words that are not real, even if I want them to be? Why send out the thought to the Universe, to the void that is the doubt? What is the thought that forms and flies out of my mouth, my fingers? What is the meaning of it all? When doubt eats at my insides and I wonder what it is, why reach out with lies and untruthful beautiful sayings? For what? Why insist in making remarks when everything is futile? Am I true to myself? Or am I trying to hurt? From Heaven the wisdom will flow and there will be nothing to do, to say, to wish for. Each desire will be replaced by a higher, more meaningful one. If I want... But I still wonder... why. Why, in the middle of trying to be closer to the Sky, must the wall rise to hit me? Is it not enough to let go??? Is it not enough to love and be loved? Is it not enough? If unity is what it's all about, and love is the motto, why let the words flow that are not filled with truth? Am I trying to grow, or am I trying to rise with all the might of the filth of pride? Is it really wise to hit with an iron fist and try to soothe the pain with words of honor that I don't mean? Is it not better to concentrate on my own? Is the center of my heart not filled enough that I must go and push another? For what? And what is the point if I carry unfinished business myself? Shouldn't I tend to those first before I reach out with all my longing? Before I desire another, shouldn't I reach out to Heavens instead? If I use all my desire with ulterior motives, hidden agendas, shouldn't I think about the consequence that might have, even on myself? Why, then? Why, if my desire is to be the best... the best daughter, the best mother, the best friend, the best wife, the best daughter, the best teacher, the best student, must I do the things I know I should not do? Is it a sign of a wise person to know and be mindful of what's to come by my own hand? And if after, I come to understand that I have wronged another, should not I, in that realization leave the pain and right the wrong? If it is not my doing, shouldn't then I walk away? Why, then, I ask myself... why would I come with pride and wrong intention? Why would I insist? ... am I the author of these doings? Are these my actions and my words?